So worship in church since that dreadful night at the start of the month has been a bit like wading through mud. We don't really have a lot of songs that allow us to cry out and lament to God; that allow us to express our worship when things are bad. "Blessed be your name" is great in it's sentiment, but it's too hard for me to sing in the midst of this time. John Bell's translation of a traditional Mexican lament "We belong to God" has been gently meaningful. And so we keep on going, "weeping with those who weep, and mourning with those who mourn" for we love them all dearly. And it was a privilege and an honour to lead worship at Carole's funeral.
I haven't wanted to put any of this into words until now, I suppose maybe because putting it in words makes it real and absolute. But I can't not mention it ,for the impact on me, on everyone who knows Carole and her family, has been enormous.
So we go on, taking small steps forward, as we get to "carry each other" as Bono so beautifully phrased it...
One small step for us was a weekend in Bryansford - right at the foot of the beloved Mournes, and we even got to walk in them - three times!
A long wander through Tollymore (made all the longer because the stepping stones were under the rain that fell the night previous) was a great start to a Sunday. And a great finish to the same Sunday was Mrs McC dropping me off at Trassey track - in the pitch darkness, from where I made my way, into and through the darkness, across the hills at the back of Tollymore, and then through the forest and back to the cosyness of the holiday house. I should say, the open ground was great, mainly because my mind was fully occupied with navigation. Once on the familiar tracks of the forest however, the old mind had more free capacity for playing tricks, as the trees made strange noises in the wind, and set the heart beating, it felt, almost out of my chest! Glad to see the lights of Bryansford. Monday, and daylight, saw our intrepid explorers leading mum and dad up Hen mountain, with lots of climbing of rocks to be had. A great weekend all in all. And the night time walking has other people interested - so we'll go again this month and try to scare a bigger group out of their wits!
